If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
