Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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