Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
