I faked an abortion last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
