arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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