I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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