plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
