Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
