Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
