there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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