I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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