you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
