Can i not drive my cunt home
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
