4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
