i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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