how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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