just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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