Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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