I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
