fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no you cant smoke seaweed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
