Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
