Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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