Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
