i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
