So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I need to stop coming to work sober
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
