just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
