This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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