I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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