She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
