my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
