Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
