I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
