He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is my life. Enjoy the view
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I touched a dick in church today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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