you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
