I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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