i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
