Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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