as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
