when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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