This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
