i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
