I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
