my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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