I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
