I just threw up on my dentist
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
