I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Semen is not good for contacts.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
