Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
