is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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