my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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