I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
