Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
