Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
