Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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